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PITTSBURGH (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the measure “long overdue,” JD Vance on Wednesday proposed posting the Ten Commandments inside every American uterus.
“Thanks to the woke mob, American kids today are being exposed to a godless society,” Vance alleged. “Having access to the Ten Commandments in utero will get them started on the right path.”
As for the logistical challenges inherent in his proposal, Vance said, “If we can develop the technology to keep our ‘precious’ cats free of fleas, I think we can get the word of God into 170 million uteri.”
“Communists like Kamala Harris and Tim Walz don’t want prayer in school,” he added. “If Donald Trump is president, we’re going to have prayer in womb.”